Writing your loved one's obituary

Start with what you know

This guide gathers the pieces of your loved one's story. Write down what you know and skip what you don't. There is no wrong way to fill it in, and whatever you bring us is enough to start — we will shape it into the finished obituary with you.

Many families work through this at home before we meet. Others sit down with us and talk it through. Both are fine.

1 · The announcement

The opening lines say who has died, and when. It helps to have:

• Full name — including a well-known nickname, if they had one.
• Age and city of residence at the time of death.
• Day, date, and place of death — the place only if you would like it included.
• Cause of death — only if your family wishes to mention it. Many families leave it out, and that is completely fine.

2 · Their life story

This is the heart of the obituary — the life, in a few short paragraphs. Gather what you can:

• Date and place of birth, and their parents' names.
• Childhood — siblings, schools, friends, and the favorite stories that still get told.
• Marriage — a spouse's name, and the date and place, if you know them.
• Education — schools, degrees, designations, awards, and other recognition.
• Work — jobs and titles, employers, years of service, and the work they were proudest of.
• Activities and interests — hobbies, sports, clubs, charitable and fraternal organizations, volunteer work, and accomplishments.
• Religious affiliation, if any.
• Military service — branch, dates, and years served.

Short is fine. A sentence about the garden, the deer stand, the card club, or the grandkids often says more than a long list of dates.

3 · Family

Two short lists close the story. For survived by, families usually name:

• Spouse, then children — listed in order of birth, along with their spouses.
• Grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren.
• Parents and grandparents, then siblings.
• Others — nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws, and beloved pets, if you would like them named.

Adding a city of residence after a name is a nice touch, if you would like. A second short list then names those preceded in death — a spouse, children, siblings, or others who went before them.

4 · A photo

Most obituaries include a photo, and it is often the part families treasure most. Choose a clear favorite — one that looks like them on a good day. Bring a printed photo or send us the digital file; and if you have a few favorites, bring them all and we will help you choose.

5 · Service and memorial details

The obituary ends by telling people where to be, and how to remember:

• The service — day, date, time, and place, and any reception afterward.
• Any other memorial or vigil your family is holding.
• Place of burial or inurnment.
• Memorial funds established, and memorial donation suggestions — organizations, with addresses if you have them.
• Thank-yous — people, groups, or caregivers you would like to thank by name.

Don't worry if the service details are not settled yet. The obituary can wait until the plans are final.

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